Tacit and poorly communicated agreements are like small time bombs that can explode at any time. And the more we, as speakers and listeners, do NOT practice good communication, the more we produce these little time bombs that will explode when we least expect them and cause a huge mess. It is not wise to communicate halfway. Unfortunately, there are a number of social and cultural mechanisms that allow us to leave messages in the air, such as implicit or tacit agreements. Society regulates words and how they are used, sometimes to encourage good manners, and sometimes simply to facilitate their daily use. However, the real effects of poor listening are shocking in their frequency. In 5 facts about workplace communication you need to know, entrepreneur.com author Erik Kostelnik highlights embarrassing statistics about the final results of meetings: « Forty-six percent of employees rarely or never leave a meeting and know what to do next. » Even in normal, everyday situations, tacit agreements can end badly and lead to misunderstandings. To continue with the example above, « someone knocks on the door » could mean different things depending on the context. First, make a clear agreement: As a speaker, ask your audience, « What did you hear » or « What are you getting from this conversation? » When an agreement is reached, ask, « Who will do what from here when? » Another way to ask is, « What steps will you take as a result of this meeting? » If you feel discomfort or tension, give your listeners permission to give honest feedback. You could also ask, « Is there anything you want to tell me you think I don`t want to hear? » or « Are there elephants in the room that we need to talk about? » As recipients of information, we can also practice active listening by repeating what the speaker was told: « I hear you say this. Is this true? or « What I understand is this.
Am I right? This can make the meeting more of a conversation with confirmation of important things. A non-verbal, informal and mutually beneficial agreement between two or more parties. Enforcement is ensured by convention, tradition and « honor » of the parties concerned. Later in life, you begin to explore other facets of yourself and discover that you have a gift for business. You are assertive and determined, and your new business is thriving. The silent agreement between you and your sister changes to fit your new role. And so on, with speakers who do not make their points and listeners who do not receive the information they need. Equally uneven chords emerge from these unequal conversations, and before we knew it, we adapted to some epic misconceptions.
Then, before we realize it, our opinions (rules of life) begin to influence our agreements. But what if you have a conversation with someone who has a different worldview than you? This can interfere with any kind of understanding we are trying to forge. Interruptions, judgments, disagreements and emotions are now in control, and our attention is mainly focused on respecting our own agreements we have already made with the world. Non-binding, non-verbal chords represent a kind of magic in human interaction. They do not include lawyers, contracts or settlements. A simple agreement between two parties to which each party adheres. The two participants in the conversation must be in harmony to interpret exactly what the other person means when they throw imprecise sentences that they think are clear. Misunderstandings would be nothing but stupid stories if they didn`t happen, even in more complicated situations. An agreement is essentially a pact between two or more parties. Of course, you can always make a pact with yourself, but at the moment we are talking more about social agreements.
In an agreement, both parties promise to act in a certain way. People make deals when everyone involved believes that a certain behavior would achieve a common goal. If a misunderstanding occurs, it is best to clarify it for now. Ultimately, the speaker must take full responsibility for knowing whether he or she has conveyed the message. But listeners must also take responsibility for confirming the message for themselves. Did something go by without help? Does anything still seem confusing or vague? Ask questions and find out. Have the courage to demand clarification on what they are trying to communicate. However, some people make the mistake of assuming that there was an agreement without directly consulting the other party involved, so things are never really confirmed. For example, they assume that if they always remember the other person`s birthday, the other person will always remember their birthday. Or that if they always put the other person in front of themselves, they will receive the same treatment in return.
In the workplace, this « frontal » bias affects us in daily activities. For example, when we hold team meetings and discuss tasks and actions to take, we do our best to understand what has been said and to move forward with what we have agreed. If you have a problem that you don`t want to face, you can try to find a way to hide it from others and even yourself. In such scenarios, you do everything necessary to divert attention from the problem and keep it underground. It is in the nature of silent agreements that your problems remain buried. Silent chords are usually associated with multiple beliefs, feelings, and expectations. Trying to handle all the layers of a silent chord at once can be scary and difficult. Therefore, you can choose to deal only with the top level. It can be difficult to discover all the layers of your silent chords, as one or both of you may be overwhelmed and unsure of what hurts and to what extent. However, once the basic truths of your feelings and beliefs are revealed, they can provide you with a stronger foundation for a truly authentic relationship.
In fact, it can be catastrophic when it comes to demands and desires. And it happens often. You want someone to do something for you, but you don`t tell them. They assume that they should understand and ask themselves how they could not achieve what they want or need. But people can`t always understand where you`re coming from and guess what you`re thinking. This is how a conflict arises. Your first relationships have a huge impact on many of your conscious and unconscious behaviors, choices, and motivations. Silent agreements are the unspoken « rules » of your relationships.
You grow from assumptions, expectations, and beliefs that you don`t talk about, but that hold others accountable. You appear in all types of relationships, and as you read on, you`ll likely find that you`re participating in several silent chords. Look for these tacit agreements in your own world. How many can you identify? Can you create any that serve you and your customers, employees or colleagues? If we assume that others know what we think and what we expect of them, we are doing them a great disservice. Assuming we were clear about what we wanted, we blame them if things don`t go as planned. Silent agreements with yourself can change in other ways. Sometimes you can avoid acknowledging the feelings you have that contradict the beliefs of your family and community. However, despite your inner rejection of these deep-rooted beliefs, your behavior could show that you are still attached to them. This behavior can change the way you present yourself. You might end up experiencing an alternative version of your true self. The good news is that you can learn to notice, understand, and discover your silent chords, face your fears, and express your true feelings out loud. .